India Update: To Bake or to Steam

Greetings from Bharatpur! Bharatpur has been our new home since the 20th of May, and the house we’re now at, is our 7th home in line since our runaway marriage (and you thought marriages were predictable). Bharatpur is in the state of Rajasthan and is located along a highway connecting Agra (the site of the Taj Mahal, India’s most famous landmark) and Jaipur, The Pink City (another tourist attraction), and therefore lies within the so-called Golden Tourist Triangle (Delhi-Agra-Jaipur), where most tourists to India visit.

Bharatpur has been consistently hovering at about 47 degrees Celsius for the last few days (I’m not exaggerating). At home it is about 41 degrees (well, that’s what the digital read-out says on the air-cond in our living room anyway). Our brand new China-made Sensei-brand split unit air-cond is super-efficient at bringing down the temperature, …from 41 to a minimum of 39 degrees, after 2 hours (no, we didn’t leave it on for a longer time, …what if it overheats?) We’re in the process of getting the wireman who installed it to come back to have a look at it (still not much success – his mobile phone has miraculously stopped working, hopefully he’ll come before winter).

At the mean time we’ve got a desert-cooler to do the job of cooling down our bedroom. For those who don’t know what this is, it’s a big fan enclosed in a box with a water pump. You fill the bottom of the box up with water, switch on the pump, and walla you get water flowing down the inside walls of the box. The cooler only cools down the immediate space in front of the fan, so our bed is aligned conveniently in the middle of nowhere and partially obstructing the door, no, can’t move the cooler, it has to be just outside the darn window.

Our entire floor is white marble. White marble is fabulous, for retaining heat. The white marble in our house retains heat so well, it’ll still be warm at 5am in the morning, and then the sun rises, and God heats up the marble again, and the cycle goes on. We tried flooding the bedroom with iced water to cool it down, …it helps for about an hour before the water dries up (or leaks to the landlady’s room below, …well, let’s say, she complained).

Our walls aren’t marble, there’re brick walls (with very little mortar I presume, since that’s how Indians do brick walls anyway) plastered all up and painted with white-wash (meaning if you lean on the walls, you get free chalk on your clothes, body, or whatever comes into contact with the walls), and yes, like the white marble floors, their heat retaining qualities are simply superb.

Bharatpur’s water is from the ground and is very rich with minerals, ...should be, since it’s bloody salty. The water in our bathroom, like the floors and walls, is perpetually warm. Doesn’t matter what time of day (or night) it is, the water is warm (or hot, in the afternoons), and so is the shampoo, soap, face wash, toothpaste, lotion, hair gel, etc. The best time to shit is early in the morning (like what your parents teach you). If you’re in need of losing some weight though, then shit at the other unrecommended times, and in the process, get yourself a fabulous free steam-bath.

Apart from getting cooked alive, Bharatpur is actually quite an interesting place (from what I hear, no, I’ve not gone around the place yet, not at this time, I’m not crazy). It has loads and loads of animals – monkeys to terrorize the shit outta you (yeah, they like to sneak into your house …real silently, and catch you unawares), dogs which wallow in the mud-pools together with the buffaloes and wild pigs (and I thought dogs hate water), but can’t blame ‘em, it’s either dirt or die by slow-cook. And the best of Bharatpur – a lovely tree-filled internationally known, bird sanctuary (really, no kidding) with wild peacocks, antelopes, cranes, etc etc etc but it’s just a mystery to me why any bird would wanna come to a hellhole like this???